CIV Virus Warning Spoof
VIRUS WARNING--- CIV---VIRUS WARNING---CIV---VIRUS WARNING---CIV
On April 9, 1997, Dr. V.S. Verman, head of the epidemiology unit at the
Glenn Roes Hospital in Edmonton, Canada, announced that an NWT resident,
whose identity was not revealed, has become the first human on record to be
infected by a computer virus.
Symptoms of CIV (Computer Induced Virus) include memory loss, a bloated
feeling, general sluggishness and erratic ambulation (crashing into
things). Dr. Verman added that CIV also causes system disorders such as
seeing noises in the next room, hearing perfume and absorbing TV signals
directly into the stomach.
The patient is known to have opened a file downloaded from the internet
without first checking its history and origins. How the virus moved from
the file through the computer to the user remains unexplained, however, and
Dr. Verman cautioned that until the transfer mechanism is better
understood, computer users should protect themselves against possible CIV
You can reduce the risk of CIV infection significantly, said Dr. Verman,
with a few basic Safe Computing practices: use disinfectant; use a
non-permeable, transparent protective membrane over the key-board; lock
your floppies; avoid unnecessary licking, kissing or other intimate contact
with computer parts and peripherals; and do not share your computer with
others. Computer professionals and addicts, Dr. Verman advised, should
wear a breathing mask with a .001 micron filter to freshen the air fanned
out of the CPU. But until a cure or vaccine for CIV is found, Dr. Verman
warned, the best prevention is computer abstinence. He suggested that
people looking for a challenging and rewarding alternative to computering
might try reading books instead.
-- Cowpieright Midnitoil Press, 4/12/97
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